I, unfortunately, have a habit of occasionally exceeding the speed limit a little. In general, I’m actually pretty careful and do try to keep my foot off the accelerator when there are speed limits (thankfully not always the case in Germany), but I was recently caught by one of these wonderful forward-facing speed cameras the Germans use, leading to this coming in the post:
Well, there’s some good news with this: The bit in red says “Gender of driver: Female”, which means I passed the automated gender test of the camera! 
And, no, the car’s a company car, so it’s not registered in my name, meaning they didn’t have anything else to go by!
This got me thinking of a recent post by NickyB, the Candyfloss Girl, where she discussed the three parts of fitting into society as a trans person in a way which matches my views perfectly. She spoke of the following as being part of it:
- Passing: The ability to live in society so that people see you only as the gender you are, not the gender you were forced to live in before transition.
- Acceptance: This is when society may see that you are trans but accepts you and doesn’t make an issue of it (i.e. treats you as the gender you really are even if you’re seen as trans).
- Self-acceptance: This is when you are able to accept that society may see you as being trans and being OK with that.
As with Nicky, for me only passing is good enough. It is important for me that I can go ahead with my life as a woman, without people knowing that I am trans. I frankly hate the idea that society may be seeing me as being trans and just being kind in not telling me, which I suppose means I have absolutely no self acceptance! I’m very careful to make sure I present a good image and ruthlessly work at removing any remnants of the past persona I had to adopt to fit in pre-transition.
I do wonder if some day, I will gain a measure of self-acceptance so that I won’t be so horrified at the idea of being seen as being trans, but more than anything, I hope that I will be able to pass better over time. I’ll certainly take some more steps to make as sure of this as I can (FFS, for example, which I have planned for 2011) but then comes the question of how much is my past going to be dragged along.
Again like Nicky, my past is quite visible in that I have quite a bit of career experience which with the slightest bit of prying connects me to my past name. I wouldn’t be doing the sorts of jobs I do now without that experience, so giving it up would result in quite a big drop in income. That said, were that the only way to be able to properly fade into the woodwork, it may be something I have to consider.
Fitting into society and escaping your past is so difficult for trans people. With the discrimination we face, a certain part of the drive to pass is based on fear. However, beyond that a lot of the pressure to pass is also based on just wanting a normal life without the baggage of the transsexual past. I’ll have to come back to this post in a year’s time to see how things are different. Maybe I’ll feel more comfortable that I really do pass and that I’m not just being accepted. Maybe I’ll have reached some level of self-acceptance and being accepted by society will be enough. We’ll see!
Either way, going back to what started all of this, it is nice when even a speeding ticket can bring good news!
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Tags: passing, speeding ticket, Trans
It all starts with self I think Emily. If you cannot accept yourself how can you expect others to do the same? Most people would though no matter if you ‘passed’ or not. It boils down to what you want personally. If you don’t think you pass there could be a hundred and one reasons for that but many of them are unfounded. There are things which will obviously give you away, there are things which may give you away and there are things which are not worth worrying about. It is difficult to achieve full passing status if things like physique, mannerisms, attitude, voice and such need lots of work. There are some things which cannot be changed though no matter what you hope to achieve. If you can make changes and they are worthwhile doing, all to the good. The main thing is to be realistic and then accept what you cannot achieve too. It is a shame when being transsexual but not convincing and you can’t do anything about it. That is a reflection on the type of society in which we live. When I first transitioned I will be the first to admit that I wasn’t all that good at ‘passing’ and I got some stick as a result. Now I hardly get a glance from people and that is because of years on hormones, better make-up, long hair, dress sense, voice becoming softer et al. Do what you are able but don’t worry yourself to death over what people might think. Personally, from what I have seen of you Emily, you don’t have much of a problem! Love
Shirley Anne xxx
Shirley Anne´s last blog ..Still they call.
Thanks for your comment, Shirley Anne!
I’m sorry for taking so long to reply to your comment: I wanted to find the right way of replying. It’s true that were I able to accept myself, I’m sure others would accept me more easily, too. However, I don’t have huge problems with being recognised openly as trans, but I do feel very concerned that people see me as trans and are just polite enough to not say anything (definitely better than them being transphobic, of course!!!) It is hugely important to me that I find a way to make as sure as possible that I really am passing. If people accept me, I want them to accept me as a woman, not a trans woman – the trans bit is an issue I have that I have to work my way through, it doesn’t define who I am.
thanks for the reference…still loving your blog !
maybe we will become less “horrified” at being seen as “trans”…
but somehow, I think not…this is after all, the fundamental basis of gender dysphoria, is it not ?
hope the ticket wasn’t too expensive !!!!?
NickyB (aka the CFG)´s last blog ..Kate Bush and Suzanne Vega
Yes, I think you’re right: I don’t think I will get over hating being seen as being trans because it isn’t something which defines me.
As for the ticket, I’m relying on my air miles for it… Otherwise, with this short notice, I’m sure it would have cost a fortune!
Thanks for your kind words about my blog!!!