The title to this post may seem flippant to some and may seem touchy to others. I use it for a simple reason: There is really something in common.
When someone goes to prison, they do so because our legal system has found them guilty of a crime. There’s a huge stigma attached to this and once they have done their time in prison, they are released and have to find their way.
For most people, the only way to move on from that is to try to re-establish their lives and to try to escape from the stigma of having been to prison. The best way of doing that? Simply not mentioning it because how ever minor the crime and however good the rehabilitation, jobs, housing and relationships will always be coloured by that time spent in prison.
For trans people, it is so similar.
Likewise, society has judged us guilty of doing something unspeakable. We have broken the gender laws and the only way for us to live is to find ways to hide that from people. We do everything we can to pass so that people don’t have a right to discriminate against us and we must, by all means, make sure that they don’t find out about our past. If they do, suddenly life can fall apart. Jobs can disappear, housing can suddenly be difficult to get, people who liked us will shun us. The cis world will even ban us from their toilets!
I don’t write this to say that ex-prisoners are worse than trans people. Some have done despicable things, some haven’t, but society treats them all with the same blanket discrimination. Likewise, trans people haven’t done anything to be trans yet we have to live our lives in fear.
I know of beautifully feminine trans women who pass perfectly yet live in total terror that their past should be found. I know a stunning trans man who would have all the girls at his feet had the local newspaper not outed him and made him a source of ridicule. How horrible that one must live decades in ones new life, terrified of being discovered.
That’s why ex-cons and trans people are similar. Whatever we’ve done and whatever we do, society brands us as being ‘wrong’. Society has the right to judge us as being lesser for the rest of our lives irrespective of who we were, what we did and who we are now. We’re all on permanent probation.
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Tags: Discrimination, Trans
The analogy is good if a bit paranoid. Not everyone in society acts like that toward us. I think you’d find most probably most do not. The establishment may dictate but not everyone follows the establishment. Personally I let people know on a need to know basis just for a quiet life. I shouldn’t need to do that of course but my past isn’t anyone else’s business. Many would understand and be on-side but occasionally you’d meet somebody who wasn’t. So why have the hassle? It’s not that I want to hide my past it’s more having a quiet life. I think you would discover that many people, not just ex-cons or transfolk have something to hide and do so for just the same reasons. It’s self preservation. I don’t think it is any worse being trans than it is for anyone else.
Shirley Anne x
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Oh, I agree that I was pushing the analogy a bit! It is true that not all people act that way (for both ex-prisoners and trans people), but I believe it a fairly good reflection of society at large. Some of us are strong enough to be open about our pasts (open to different degrees), but some of us aren’t and this is so hard on them. Society has some growing up to do!
Gosh! Emily, you are being impish with this blog, and I can almost see that cheeky grin on your face as you composed it! I’ll play along. For me, my limited brain finds it difficult to equate the comparisons, mainly for two reasons.
The one is from my side of the fence, in that most who go to prison do so because they have transgressed knowingly, whereas the majority of transsexuals are born or suffer with a ‘condition’ (for want of a better word) that is not of their choosing. I realised very early in life that I was different, and there is rarely a day goes by when I wish to myself that I was not. But it was something I had no input on. It was just there. Now if I stole, damaged or hurt, I would know that my actions are wrong and it would be a conscious deed. I understand that in rage there is an element of loss of control, but our minds know that to commit violence is against common decency and plain wrong.
On the other side of the coin there is another way of looking at the issue. If someone were to decide to employ a cleaner and they found that the one they were considering was transsexual, then their decision to take on or not take on that person is largely determined by their prejudice or understanding. I think that, fortunately, much of society is past thinking that transsexualism is transmittable, and so initiatially it would all be down to considerations such as how well they pass.
However, if someone learnt that the potential choice was an ex-criminal, whilst their intentions may be good and their heart in
the right place, there would be that element of fear in the mix. If you are inviting someone into your workplace, you want to know that you can trust them. Admittedly, not all trans people are paragons of virtue and not all ex-criminals dispicable rogues, but, to my knowledge, most people would not view transsexuals as criminal and untrustworthy so much as unusual and confusing.
I know that I would have some growing up to do, for if I was to employ a cleaner (if only!), I am ashamed to say that I would be most hesitant to invite an ex-criminal into my home. I would hope that in meeting the person I would give then an open and fair hearing, but I am only being honest if I said it would be a source of worry to me.
I do agree that both ex-criminals and transsexuals are both predominantly inclined to keep their pasts behind them, and to reveal only to those with whom they know they can trust the knowledge. It would be interesting to assertain though, just how
many of each group hide the situation because of shame as opposed to reaction. That could be a telling point.
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Yes, I am pushing the barriers a bit!
That said, I think there’s a valid comparison.
You see, it’s not the actual differences between ex-prisoners and trans people I am talking about, it’s the way that society forces us to hide from our pasts. I know that a lot of people aren’t as judgemental, but unfortunately society at large still is. Yes, an ex-prisoner is seen with mistrust and even fear and trans people are seen as something ridiculous and abnormal yet the issue both communities face is the same: Whatever we’ve done, whoever we were and whoever we are now, we need to hide a chunk of our past for the rest of our lives otherwise society as it is now will judge us as lesser and will discriminate against us.
I think that the reasons for hiding it are remarkably similar, too. There’s a component of hiding it for fear of discrimination for both parties and for a lot of ex-prisoners and quite a lot of trans people (me included), there is a sense of shame. I am ashamed to have lived all those years as someone I never truly was. I have lots of great memories from that time and some wonderful friends as well as my ex-wife, but I am ashamed that I had to live those years in that masculine role.
As I said, I am pushing the barriers here, but I did it for a reason: I wanted to illustrate the point that whilst there are some of us who are proud and stand up before society as open trans people, I think the vast majority just want to go on with their lives and hide that past which has haunted them for so long, for fear of discrimination as well as through shame of what they had to live as.
You know Emily, I was just thinking about the reasons I wanted to ‘hide my past’ and I think the main reason is the fear of ridicule whether misplaced or not. I don’t think anybody wants to be ridiculed and made a laughing stock because of someone else’s immature attitude to what after all isn’t something to laugh about. Some people use their transgender/transsexualism as their armour. They confront issues by being open about everything which can turn into an advantage. It will take time for transsexualism to be totally accepted in Society and it will only come about by education.
Shirley Anne x
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