One thing I’ve noticed is that when people start asking questions about transsexuality and what it means to be a transsexual person, it helps acceptance a huge amount. So, with the wonders of technology, I’d like to create a space for those questions to be asked.
Leave a comment here with a question and I’ll try to answer it from my perspective. Just a note: If it’s too personal (for example, sex related), I may reply directly and not publish the answer. I know this isn’t ideal, but this is a personal blog and I don’t want everything published. If the question’s abusive, it will just be deleted, of course!
So… Ask away! 
What is a transsexual person?
Transsexualism is where someone identifies with a gender which is not the same as that expressed by their body and the sense of stress is so strong that they need to change socially and to change their bodies to match the gender they identify with.
Why are some people transsexual?
It’s not known at this point why some people have an internal gender different from that of the gender expressed externally. A body of research is being built which points to transsexual people having brain structures which match that of their identified gender. However, it is still early days and there is a great deal more research to be done.
Is transsexualism a psychological disorder?
In some countries it is still treated as such, just as homosexuality is, but this is thankfully disappearing as the medical community realises the depth of the dysphoria and the lack of success psychiatric treatment has on the condition. However, with the stresses of living with the condition, psychological support is often a useful tool to help with the transition, so part of the standard treatment is to have regular contact with a psychiatrist. This also helps to sort out those that suffer from similar symptoms from another source… Whilst it is rare for people to go far into transition without being transsexual, some have and it is important to help these people find the right course of treatment before any non-reversible steps are taken.
Is transsexualism related to homosexuality?
There are heterosexual transsexuals and there are homosexual transsexuals, but there is no link between the two. Transsexualism is a question of gender, homosexualism/heterosexualism is a question of sexual orientation.Whilst sorting out the right path to follow, many transsexuals who are attracted by the sex opposite to their identified gender live in the homosexual communities, but that’s a natural aspect of being in a relationship with that sex.
Is transsexualism related to transvestism/crossdressing/transgenderism?
Not necessarily. It’s very dangerous to pigeon-hole people into these different categories since there can be so many reasons for people being part of the trans world (using ‘trans’ as the umbrella term). Some people just find it pleasing to be able to express the part of the other gender they have ‘inside’ them. Some find a sexual aspect to it. Some feel themselves as being the gender opposite to their body’s expressed gender but express this through transvestism as a means of surviving whilst maintaining a life in their assigned gender.The reason I say ‘not necessarily’ above is that some trans people (I’m tempted to say ‘quite a few’, especially when it comes to trans women) live a dual role, partly in their body’s expressed gender, partly in the gender they identify with, until they are able to accept the need to transition, which has some very strong barriers (especially the social barriers). These people may identify with being transvestites/crossdressers during all or part of this period of their lives.
What sorts of transsexuals are there?
There are essentially two types of trans people, depending on the ‘direction’ of the transition: Male to female trans people (referred to as MTF people, trans women and transsexual women) and female to male transsexuals (referred to as FTM people, trans men and transsexual men).Aside from that, there are about as many ways to approach being a trans person as there are to any other part of the human condition!
What is “gender dysphoria”?
Gender dysphoria is the term for what one suffers with should one have discomfort with the physical gender one’s body expresses. It can range from light or temporary discomfort which can be assuaged by expressing oneself through crossdressing to the point where one’s physically expressed gender is completely at odds with one’s internal gender (as is the case with a transsexual person).
What does “cissexual” mean?
Cissexual is the ‘opposite’ of someone who is transsexual, meaning that it is someone who was born with a physically expressed gender which matches their internal gender. It’s a phrase which is coming into use as transsexuals fight against natal men and women (cis men and cis women, I suppose) who discriminate against us. From a trans woman’s point of view, the strongest cissexism comes from certain bigoted radical feminists who insist on treating us as men.
Why do trans people often refer to ‘allies’?
Transsexualism doesn’t fit into the world-view of all so many people and this means that there is discrimination from all angles. Some gay men view trans women as just gay men trying to legitimise themselves. Some lesbians view trans women as men hiding as women. Some radical feminists view trans women as a threat on their gender-free ideal world and as men hiding as women. That’s why amongst pretty much all these communities, trans people value those who are there for them. Allies are hugely important to us and it’s surprising how few people will stand up make clear their support for us… It’s a tough thing for them to do and it’s hugely appreciated!
A bit of terminology
cis person – A person who has a physically expressed gender in alignment with their mental gender. Sometimes referred to as a natal man or a natal woman.
cissexism – The discriminatory belief that being a trans person is inferior to being a cis person.
transphobia – An irrational fear of trans people often expressed as extreme hatred and discrimination.
trans panic – A phrase used by the defence in several court cases where cis people have been accused of violent acts against or even murder of trans people. The defence used is that the aggressor acted with severe violence upon discovering the person they were with (in a romantic or sexual situation) is a trans person. The idea that the discovery of being with a trans person justifies violence or murder is a sad commentary on the state of today’s society as is the fact that this has even been accepted in some court cases.FTM – A female to male transsexual person.
MTF - A male to female transsexual person.transgender – Used either as an umbrella term for transsexuals and other gender variant people (including crossdressers/transvestites and gender queer people) or, more commonly nowadays, in a distinct way only referring to the latter, recognising that transsexualism is a different issue.
transsexual - Someone who has gender dysphoria to the extent that they feel the need to transition and live in the opposite sex, to the extent of taking hormone treatments and having surgery. Some people do not include non-op people (people who don’t want to have an operation) but I find that a bit difficult since I’ve known several non-op people who change their minds.
WBT or Woman Born Transsexual – A nice term for a postoperative trans woman. I like it because it makes it clear that the person is a woman who has had a condition which has been treated.
trans person – A transsexual person. Transperson (without the space) is increasingly being seen as being demeaning.
trans man – A transsexual man, also referred to as an FTM person or an FTM transsexual. Transman (without the space) is increasingly being seen as being demeaning.
trans woman – A transsexual woman, also referred to as an MTF person or an MTF transsexual. Transwoman (without the space) is increasingly being seen as being demeaning.
tranny – A highly offensive term for a trans person. Though it is sometimes used within the trans community (usually ironically) it should never be used by a cis person.
LGBTTQQI – This is what is currently the full spectrum of gender identity and sexual orientation categories and stands for the following:
- Lesbian
- Gay
- Bi
- Transgender
- Transsexual
- Queer
- Questioning
- Intersexed
Of course, it’s rarely used in full since it is rather unwieldy and is often abbreviated to LGBT. I use LGBTT (a change in late 2009) to indicate that the transsexual experience is distinct from the transgender experience, but I do wish there was a nicer word to use which didn’t require leaving out parts of the community to make it less unwieldy. I know how I feel when people just talk about LGB when they mean the whole community and I’m sure that Queer, Questionaing and Intersexed people feel left out when I only use LGBTT.
Thanks for the helpful Q and A. I’m a gay male but still found myself a little confused as to the LGBTTQQI community…I remember I felt so embarrassed/ashamed when i offended someone by using uneducated terminology..so now i know!
I do have another question though: Sometimes in the LGBTTQQI community I honestly can’t tell if someone is FTM or MTF, so what should I refer to them as? She, He? I don’t want to offend so I’m not sure if I should ask them?
I’m so glad that the page is helpful… It is all quite confusing if you’re not in the know, isn’t it?
When it comes to referring to someone, try to refer to them in the gender in which they are presenting. If they look obviously female (female clothing, make up), use female pronouns; if they look obviously male, use male pronouns. For those who look androgynous, it’s best to avoid pronouns – it’s really easy to do, when you take the time to think about what you’re saying. This should give you enough time to find out what that person prefers as a pronoun.
There are some people who feel neither male nor female and in their case, there are gender-neutral pronouns like ‘zie’ and ‘hir’. Once you find out that they feel neither male nor female, it’s best to just ask them what pronouns they prefer (you can read about gender-neutral pronouns here).
It’s all about respect, in the end, and understanding how a person identifies. English is less reliant on gender-specific language (for example, adjectives don’t need to agree with the gender of the person, as they would do in French or Italian) so until you know, make use of that and try to give yourself the time to understand what that person wants.
I hope that helped you out a little!
My TS (male on hormones ) and I (male) would like to have me please her by oral, however, the penis doesn’t seem developed past the sac to head. It looks full size and healthy. Because she never played with that half and she’s now 25 I wonder if she can get pasted the ticklish annoying sensation. I think this would be a common in the TS community and am reaching out for advice. I don’t want to mess this up and have her feel like she’s not pleasing her partner. Thx Brett
Hi Brett,
I’m afraid that this is something you’ll have to work out between yourselves. Each person experiences transition and the response to the hormonal changes so differently that there’s no one single answer. Try to understand your girlfriend’s changes and how they affect her response to sensations and work with her to find the most pleasure for her. The hormone treatment does change the response to sexual stimulation quite a lot, focusing more on emotional stimulation than when on testosterone, so it may be necessary to help her find the mood and to give her the mental stimulation before the physical stimulation will have an affect.
All the best with your relationship. It’s lovely to hear of someone that cares so much for their partner!
Thank you for opening up for questions around transsexuality and sharing your experience and knowledge. I am what you would call a “Cis person”, that is a biological woman who has never been defined as anything else than “woman” and never defined my self as anything else than “woman”. However, that does not mean that I define myself or is defined according to the socially required and acceptable expressions of femininity, that does not mean I feel particularly “feminine”, that does not mean that I am comfortable in my body (as a matter of fact I have hated my body for the bigger part of my life) or in the position of being a woman (which often means being marginalised, not taken serious, having to be afraid and so on). I honestly I have no idea what it means to feel as “a woman”. What is that? I know what it feels to be my kind of woman (white, heterosexual, middle class, middle aged, single, no kids, fat, well educated etc.) but I do not believe that there is an “essential” womanhood. To me the experience of being a woman is extreamy diverse depending on sexuality, class, etnicity, age etc., there are many different forms of femininity. So when you Admin writes for example that you have a “woman´s mind” I wonder what you mean by that? I would never regard myself as having “a woman´s mind” because I have no idea what that would be other than the stereotypic notion of a woman and I do not at all identify with that notion. So my questions are: What does it mean for someone born with a male body to identify as a woman? (and the reverse of course)How does one know that you are not “a man” but “a woman”. I am genuinly interested and hope that I do not offend anyone with my questions. Warm regards Anna
Thanks for your question, Anna. I’m very glad that you asked it and I hope I can help to expand a little. I’ll try to answer your questions one by one, but with it being quite late I hope I’m clear!
First of all, I’d like to answer your questions about femininity and womanhood. The thing is that in my mind, the two don’t need to go hand in hand. I know some women who are as unfeminine as they come, but they are all woman. Likewise, a man can be feminine, yet still all male. You actually said the most important thing when you said you ‘never defined [your]self as anything other than “woman”‘. That’s the same for me, though I happened to have a largely male body (which was a bit of a pain!) I also don’t have a way to describe what it means to be a woman and I think every woman has her own way of being that. I just knew what I was, deep in my heart, my bones, my brain. In the same way you feel 100% woman, I always felt 100% woman.
Now, the “woman’s mind” thing… That’s a bit of a shortcut, covering the fact that language just doesn’t do justice to describing gender dysphoria. This works at two levels: First of all, I always identified as a woman, even though it took me some time to bring up the courage to tell others that. My inner ‘me’ was always female, hence the ‘female mind’. In addition, however, there were some strong neurological effects which I enjoyed which help me to believe in the fact that there are some biological differences in trans brains, that the brain is intersexed to approach the identified gender, my stutter which disappeared with the disappearance of testosterone and the migraines which disappeared when I started œstrogens, two name but two of the more remarkable ones. It’s clear to me that the typically female hormonal balance matches my brain much better.
So, in answer to the question “What does it mean for someone born with a male body to identify as a woman?”, it means the same as when you identify as a woman, but just with some unfortunately male-seeming parts. Let me ask you this hypothetical question about a horrible situation: If you lost all your outwardly female characteristics (breasts, genitals, facial features, for example), would you feel any less of a woman? The thing inside you which intrinsically defines you as such, would that be affected? Yes, it’s likely that in that horrible situation, you may end up questioning your femininity, which is much more subjective and societal, but would you question your intrinsic womanhood? Well, that was my situation: I had a body which had some male parts, but I felt intrinsically female. That’s why I transitioned!
I hope that answered your question. Please don’t apologise for asking an interesting, well-meaning question. I appreciated it and would hope you feel free to ask any further questions in the future.
Warm regards to you too!
Em